Void...

There is a "void" in my life. It makes me restless. I don't have the answer to fill it up and that drives me crazy. Why am I feeling that "void" these days only? It must have been there with me for a long time.. at least last 4 years.. At that time, though I felt it sometimes, it wasn't that significant.. but these days I can feel its existence...

I think I know "what" is causing that void.. "Why these days" is understandable.. but "How".. is really a tough question.. I hope whatever I am thinking is indeed the right answer... otherwise....

..Time to tackle the "black hole" !!

Run Forrest Run...

Forrest Gump... I don't know what's there in this movie, but whenever it is aired on TV, I always watch it. I guess I have watched it more than 10 times till now.. Why?? Six Oscars and thirteen nominations says it all.

The movie is just fabulous. Its amazing philosophy.. perspective of an autistic person. The dialogs from the movie are just tooo deep..

- "For no particular reason", I started running that morning.
- Lieutenant Dan, You got "new legs".
- My mama said life is a "box of chocolates", you never know what you are gonna get next.
- We all do things, that sometimes just nonsense.
- Where the hell's this God of yours? It's funny Lieutenant Dan said that, 'cause right then God showed up.
- Whatever it means.

Hshhh you should read whole script :).. !!

The violin-piano piece at the end of the movie when feather files away in the sky..
is a masterpiece..

For no particular reason, I love this movie.. If you haven't watched it yet, keep in mind you are missing something..

Viva Las Vegas ..

Had a short trip to vegas.. couple of friends are getting married.. so most probably it was our last bachelor trip together :) !!

Thoughts of going to Vegas always excites me.. Glamor, Richness, Grandiose Casinos, Never ending money-flow, makes me get out of the routine life. Everybody says that fulfill your "dreams" in "sin city".. Want to earn more money, then gamble.. Gambling for "fun" is a good way of looking at it.. but Gambling for "dream"..is just too much !! but "No" gambling in Vegas is surely a stupidity.. then whats the point of being in Vegas?.. Bright fluorescent lights, Adventurous rides, Expensive cars, clothing, World Carnival, delicious food banquets, Watching people getting panic-yelling across roulette table .. surely makes Vegas more enticing..

But every coin has two sides.. moon has a farther-dark side never visible from earth.. or milky-way has a black hole at the center which is eating up the milky way itself... Similarly.. Vegas has its dark side..

On one side, Casinos on the Strip glittering with fancy lights.. but have you seen the open ground between two casinos.. there will not be single flash of light. Hundreds of homeless people will be sleeping there.. On one side, "rich" people spending thousands of money in casinos.. but have you seen those people on the street distributing cards of hookers.. How much do they earn?.. In fact how many girls in a strip club.. dance by their choice.. Do they dance for money or do they for their survival? Or does the money change their "thinking" also?

Can "dreams" go along with "reality"? Can dreams be fulfilled in more "ethical" way... I don't know !!

These two extremes in Vegas disturbs me a lot.. Infact its not just Vegas..

In my last trip to Pune, I have seen similar changes in the society. The culture which I have seen 4 years back is totally different than what I saw in my last trip.. On one side of a street you can see a restaurant serving "sizzlers" @ Rs 350 and on another side you have "Vada-Pav" cart for Rs 6. The multiplex theater "E-Square", having samosaas for 50 bucks a plate, is full of "young" crowd.. while a single theater complex like "Mangala" totally empty and getting bankrupted.. Money is flowing all the over the place.. real-estate prices are at the peak.. IT industry in pune is paying grand salaries to its employees. These "s/w developers" can afford anything.. My "capitalistic" buddy says that these "s/w developers" are driving economy by spending more in the market.. and in turn other streams will benefit soon.. Though whatever is saying is correct and I do see a cell phone with "Vada-Pav" cart guy.. does that really define his improvement in lifetstyle.. Does affording a cell phone show his "progress"? Does the "absolute amount of money" an indicator for "progress of a society"? Our finance Minister shows GDP of 8% from last year.. which is mainly because of IT services.. while remaining sectors like agriculture are still in 2% GDP.. Out of billion people, only 200 millions are earning like a hell.. People who are rich are becoming richer.. and people who are poor are becoming poorer because they can not keep up the pace..

Isn't it increasing the "gap" in the society? ..I am not a "communist" ..I believe in Ayn Rand's "objectivism" .. but still.. I am a "socialist".. Why does the AC cars of Deccan Queen train get burned.. is "religion" the only reason for such a communal violence?.. or is this the "gap" in the society? ..Why does thousands of farmers die in Maharashtra and Andhra? Are their loans piling up because of "lack of rain" or is it because of their fight for survival to keep up the pace.. ?

..I don't have any answers .. but It always makes me think.. and disturbs me..

A Common Man..

A common man with a dream .. can build a great empire.

"I keep revising my vision. Only when you dream it you can do it." ... "Our dreams have to be bigger. Our ambitions higher. Our commitment deeper. And our efforts greater. This is my dream for Reliance and for India."

Gulzar gives poetic charms to these words, while Rahman's high vocal pitch escalates it to a totally different level..

These words still linger on my lips.. my brain.. & my mind...

Jaage Hain Der Tak
Hamein Kuch Der Sone Do,
Thodi Se Raat Aur Hai
Subah To Hone Do.

Aadhe Adhure Khwaab Jo
Pure Na Ho Sake,
Ek Baar Phir Se Neend Mein
Woh Khwaab Bone Do.

What If..

What if... "You go to bed.. wake up next morning.. find yourself on moon" ... Duhhhh !!! What are you gonna do? .. something similar to spider-man movie !!

For me.. No more work.. hurray... No more internet connection... No more cell phone.. Yehhh... Just don't have to worry about anything..

..Walking on moon will give a feeling of our ancestors.. "hooping" here and there..

Watch beautiful sunrise and sunset.. Infact watching earth-rise and earth-set will be a heavenly sight... blue planet rising from east.. With earth's rotation and cloud cover, it will always be a different sight..

Really good clear sky view at night time... just get your binocs or telescope out.. point it to orion nebula and no more atmospheric abrasions... every night will be a "star-party" !! ..really?... every night?? how often will have a night on moon :)?

What else... Hmmm.. ..too much heat.. barren land.. no more "blockbuster" ..no more "south park".. no more "slashdot".. Duhhh.. no food.. no water ..no oxygen ..Fight for survival.. new tensions.. new problems.. ohh man !!!

and NASA says that there are 181 good ideas to implement on Moon :D

Donations..

I feel like I am really generous... esp to public libraries.

I borrow lot of books and DVDs from my local SD library. Most of the time, I just forget to return them before due date. So in turn I pay hell lot of fine to these libraries..

When I was in AZ, my local library used to charge just 25 cents per item, so it was okay.. but SD library is really "cruel" on me by charging $2 per item per day. So having 10 items checked-out at a time, late-fee just piles up and I end paying big bucks from my wallet. If I do the simple calculation for last 4 years, then I think I would have saved enough to buy a iPod :) !!

I believe there are members like me who make these public libraries profitable. Paying late fees to public libraries is just a special way of donating to community :) !!

Last month, I donated something to KPBS - local PBS radio channel. Its not like I donated them huge amount, but still they were so nice to me that along with my membership, they sent me lot of goodies, which they shouldn't have..

Any way, time to get some tax deductions on my donations :) !!

Blinking at some Older Questions..

Some old questions always keep on popping in my mind. These questions are "old" in the sense that I have already faced them earlier, thought abt them for a while and tried to answer them.. but still they reappear and I have to answer them again with current timeline. Sometimes people keep on knocking at the door with slightly tweaked "old question" and I have to make sure that my previous answer is still valid and logical.

Confused ? .. The "old" but "important" question I am talking abt is "my returning to India for goods".. The question for me is not "Am I?" ... infact it is "When am I?" .. I have answered this question multiple times: at time when I was joining QC, at time when I was really needed at home and also during my last India trip... Whatever decision I have made first time, still holds the ground.

These days, somebody again knocked at my door with a real "googly".. and it made me think again... But.. more the knocking, more it solidifies my position..

According to author of Blink, all the important decisions are made in two seconds and after that you will just keep on justifying your position..
Though I disagree with author abt "two seconds", I am surely experiencing the justification phase.

Open Book..

"Life is an open book".. whoever said that, Its a great statement "philosophically" or "spiritually"..... but "literally" its damn scary !!

Yesterday, I received my credit reports from three credit agencies. This is the first time I have requested them and I got shocked by what I saw inside. They, probably govt knows most of the stuff about me.. my personal info, residential records, employer records and credit card records since last four years. In residential records, they knew each and every temporary place I stayed in, Employer record shows my joining dates, credit card record shows when I have paid each and every credit bill and how much was the balance every time... Unbelievable.. and everything is protected with a (public-or-supposedly-private) key... my SSN.. Just one "mouse click" reveals everything !!

Life in USA is indeed an open book... check your open book today before it gets closed !!

So the question pops up... Is this govt really "democratic"? hmmmm.. lets see..

- According to my open book, all my personal records are already with govt..
- What abt bank records? Ohh.. Feds are already tracking all global bank transfers
- What abt cell phone talks or personal data?.. FBI is already on it
- What abt my personal activities like browsing? Feds are requesting search queries from all search engine giants. Though google has denied it, Yahoo MSN & AOL are already pumping their data to Feds.

Last but not least..

- What's the deal with biometric passports? Providing my "unique" finger prints and retina records to govt for sake of "security"..
- Installing RFID chips in human body to track a human. One such RFID manufacturer is already going for an IPO this year. Congratulations !!
- Big Brother camera & speaker system to monitor and control you... Communist govts like North Korea already have these systems in "every" household since last couple of decades.. thats why they are called "communist".. Isn't it? but now what abt UK?

If govt is collecting personal data, establishing infrastructure to track, monitor and control people for "security" reasons, then they have to define the scope, otherwise soon it will clash with "Freedom".. As George Orwell said it precisely that such a "Freedom is Slavery" !!

Duhhhhh...

Democratic govt and Communist govt... I guess the borderline is becoming really hazy... You never know when Nineteen-Eighty-Four will turn into reality..

God bless us... I mean to say.. "Govt bless us" !!